Think Of It As A Process

Have you ever been so busy that it seems like you "wake up" a few months later to look around at your life and wonder how you ever got there? Well that's me today, this week, this month. The season of Autumn is a time of reflection for me and I find myself in that place. It happens naturally every year as if God orchestrates circumstances to put me in this position to sit quietly and reflect on Him and the beauty He has bestowed upon me in my life. I moved to Columbus Ohio in January of last year for change, association, a bad break up (let's be honest here), opportunity, new experiences and many reasons more. The journey of the past ten months has been a lot of take one step forward and sometimes 5 million steps backward but nonetheless my journey and a process. I have been at times (more so than not) just plain old frustrated because my life isn't where I think it should be (being a genuine choleric frustration comes natural especially when you don't see results in the physical realm.) But that's just it- it's not about what's physically going on around us at this moment in time, it's about who we are and who we become during the process. I've found today while waking in my white princess bed, listening to Joyce Meyer, and drinking my cream with coffee that it's ok to be in the process.
This journey I have embarked on is one of faith, belief, heartache, loneliness, and beauty. When it's just you and God you get to know yourself and God really well. And what I've found is that He is there at every moment. He knows every thought, every doubt, every fear, every dream and every hope we have. I have also found that I am not the same timid insecure girl who left Vermont broken. I have come to know and I mean really know that I am worth far more than rubies. (proverbs 31) And therefore I live expectantly for great things to happen. By no means have I arrived I'm just thankful that I'm not where I use to be. I know I have much more growing to do and I am excited about that. Growing is difficult, lonely, and uncomfortable but most of all it's beautiful. God is good and sometimes He pulls the props out from under us so that He has our undivided attention. I am learning to not resent the moments of loneliness and heartache because in every adversity there is a seed of equal or greater benefit. The scriptures say it well. "don't despise the days of small beginnings." It's our training ground for the future. Much love to you all this Saturday afternoon! xoxo Jess